Duo's Confession
by Rini Youko
Summary: Duo has a secret. He needs to tell it to someone, mainly his best friend Heero. How will everyone take all this? What will happen? Who knows? WARNING: Shounen Ai
1. Chapter 1

I sat back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Heero wasn't back yet. He said he'd be back from whatever little mission he had by now. I checked my watch, 1:45. _It's been an hour. He's never late! Maybe something happened to him. Maybe he's hurt. Maybe he needs my help and I'm just laying here doing nothing to aid him. I can't just stay here! I must go find him! _

I jumped up and ran to the door. Just then, it swung open and smacked me right in the face. 

"Duo? What the hell are you doing there?" It was Heero. _How do I explain? I was so worried about you because whenever you're gone you take a piece of me with you. _

"Duo?" Oh, how embarrassing! I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I forgot to answer him. 

"Oh, uhhh…I was going to see how big the door was. Yeah, for a poster!" _Duo, you're babbling. He's going to find out and I'm not ready for that…yet. _

Unphased, he replied, "Yeah, ok" He sat down on his bed, opened up his laptop, and began to talk. _Oh good, he's not suspicious, I don't think. He doesn't even care, does he? Damn that, well…damn laptop. It occupies all of his time. He's always working. He never takes a break, he's so dedicated. I wish he'd have more time to talk to me and just hang out. _

"Hey Duo?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure." I said all too quickly. _Anything for you Heero. Anything at all._

"Can you order a pizza?" Oh, food…of course.

"Oh, yeah," I tried to hide my disappointment. I walked into the kitchen. _What are you waiting for? You know he's not going to say anything. He's not going to make any moves. You have to. If you don't you'll burst. Cuz he won't…_

"Duo?" My thought was interrupted by Heero. 

"Yes?" I inquired hopefully. 

"No mushrooms" 

"Ok, Heero" 

I'll tell him. I have to. But, not until after pizza. I picked up the phone and dialed the pizzeria. 


	2. Chapter 2

"That was good pizza," I said, breaking the ever so nerve-racking silence that had gone on throughout all of our meal. Or rather, me sitting eating pizza while Heero typed away at that blasted laptop, zombily eating at a slice of pizza. _Can't you at least eat with me? What's so important that you can't take a little break? _

"Yeah," 

"So…Heero" I hesitated. _Just take a deep breath and ask him, Duo. _

"Yeah?" 

"Can I tell you something?" 

"Sure" he replied, not even looking up from the screen. I took a breath, then another, trying to keep from becoming too nervous.

"We-we're friends, right?"

"Yep" he took another bite of pizza and asked with his mouth full, "z tha all?"

"No, not quite. I just wanted to, that is, had to ask…" _Damn it, this is hard!_ "Well, I was wondering…" 

"What?" he asked with slight concern in his voice.

"I've been thinking," I started, "We've been doing lots of missions together and stuff and I noticed, or stared to kind of see, at least I think, well. I…(long pause) Heero I love you!" _There, I said it._ I bit my lip as I waited for a reaction from him. He stopped typing and looked up at me, but I couldn't tell what he was thinking, his emotions were hidden. There was a long silence. _Say something! Anything!_ I could feel my face turning red. My heartbeat pounded in my ears. 

"I…" he began, "don't" The finality and simplicity of his words cut me. My heart dropped like an anchor in the depths of my soul. _He doesn't love me. _"I love Relena, you know that," he continued gently. "I can only love her" It was simple, true, but hurtful._ He didn't mean to hurt me with that, I'm sure. He was just telling me the truth. Well how did you think he was going to react? Were you expecting him to run into your arms and cry out to you "Oh Duo! I've been waiting for this day for ever! I have always loved you but I have been too afraid to tell you!"? Just face it. He doesn't love you. You need to move on. But I can't move on! I love him even though he doesn't return my love! _I was lostin a sea of confusion. I couldn't think straight. _I need to get away. _I got up and walked to the door.

"Yeah, Relena. I know. Sorry. Just forget it. I-I'm going to go…take a walk, don't wait up for me," I managed to sputter. Words were failing me. I began to open the door. Tears were forming in my eyes. _Don't cry Duo, not here, not in front of Heero. He doesn't need that. He already feels bad enough. Just go. _

"I'm sorry Duo," He said softly. "I really am." 

Slowly, I closed the door behind me and left. Now, unable to hold them in, the tears began to stream down my face. I rushed outside to calm myself and headed for Quatre and Trowa's place. 


	3. Chapter 3

By the time I arrived at Trowa and Quatre's front door, I had stopped crying. I still wasn't feeling all that great, but at least I could think straight again. _What was I thinking? I should have waited until he made a move. But he wouldn't have. So it was for the best, right? Maybe not…maybe it would have been different had I kept my mouth shut. Shut up, Duo! You know that you wouldn't have been able to keep it a secret forever. Don't dwell on whether it would have worked out better, because it's never going to be the way you want it. So just forget it. _I rang the doorbell. _I can't forget though. _

Okay, I'll try to think of something else. Uhhh…the sky! Yeah, that has nothing to do with Heero. It's so blue and beautiful, a perfect color…like Heero's eyes, so deep, so blue. Well, that didn't work. Let's try…that candy wrapper on the ground over there. It's bubble gum, I think. Hehe, I remember that one time I made Heero try some bubble gum I had bought. He blew this huge bubble and it stayed all blown out. So he took it out of his mouth and popped it al over my face. I took hours to get it all out of my hair, but he actually laughed, a rare occurrence, so I wasn't mad. Yeah… that was fun. Dammit, this is hopeless! Everything, even garbage, makes me think of him. This is so hard! Just then, the door opened to reveal a very hyper Quatre.

"Duo! What's up?" he asked. Quickly, I tried to look like I was perfectly fine and happy. 

"Oh, just wanted to drop in and hangout for a while" I answered mock-casually.

"Sure," He said cheerfully. "Where's Heero?" 

"He, h-he's not coming" I faltered. 

"Oh, oh ok," he said slowly. He studied me for a couple seconds, and then turned in the directon of the kitchen. "Make you comfortable," he said, motioning to the couch. "Trowa! Duo's here!" 

"Ok! I'm coming!" came Trowa's voice from the other room. 

"He's making cookies," Quatre said, smiling.

"Trowa bakes? No way!" I laughed.

"I thought he was kidding when he asked how to make them, but he really wanted to try," 

"That's cool, I guess. I mean I definitely can't cook. It's a useful trade I suppose" 

"Yeah, besides, he's having so much fun with it." Right then, Trowa came in with a plate of cookies. He was covered in flour and melted chocolate. He looked really funny, so I couldn't help but laugh. 

"Cookies!" he exclaimed. "Hope you like 'em!" 

" I looked at the cookies, and couldn't bring myself to eat one. Chocolate makes me think of Heero. He loves chocolate, almost as mucb as I do. I couldn't.

"Heero, right? It's ok, Duo. We know" Quatre said. Confused, I sat down on the couch. We had a lot to discuss… 


	4. Chapter 4

"Well, we've known for quite some time now, really." Quatre began. "You're very…"

"Obvious?" I interrupted. "Palpable?" "Conspicuous?

"No…enthusiastic was the word I was looking for, with your passions. You don't really hide it. It's not a bad thing, it's just…"

"Pathetic?" I said, interrupting again.

"No, it's just the way you are"

"Yeah, I know. A screwed up freak that can't accept that he isn't and won't ever be loved by the only one he loves and-" Quatre gently interrupted him.

"Duo, really it's ok. You aren't a freak. You…" Quatre trailed off, not knowing how to phrase what he wanted to say.

"You aren't alone" Trowa said. He looked at Quatre and smiled. Quatre nodded knowingly. "Quatre and I are going out, so to speak."

"What?" That's not what I was expecting…at all. _Quatre and Trowa? Quatre AND Trowa?! Together?! That's so…fitting actually. They were made for each other. _I looked at the two of them. Trowa had moved over closer to Quatre and started to play with his hair. Quatre playfully batted him away. _They should have hooked up a long time ago. Maybe they did and just didn't tell me. But if they did, why didn't they tell me?_

"How long have you…" I vacillated.

"2 months. Right, Quatre?" Trowa inquired.

"3, silly" he corrected, giggling. They sat silent for a moment, gazing at each other with such passion and delight that I couldn't help but be happy for them. However, I could feel my joy for them quickly turning to anger. _Why do they get to be together? Why do I have to be the one who gets my heart ripped out and thrown to the ground? Why do I suffer, while they partake in the ecstasy and enchantments of love? Why?_ _Why can't I have that glee, that bliss? Why do I have to be alone? Why does Heero love Relena and not me? _I wondered. A thought occurred to me. _Relena…hmmm"_ __

"Duo? You ok?" Trowa asked, concerned. He edged away from Quatre a bit. "I'm sorry. We should have thought about how that would affect you…"

"No, it's fine. It's all right, I'm fine." I lied. The anger left me. _I shouldn't make them worry. They don't need this from me. They should be happy. _"I'm going to go," I said, getting up. "I have some stuff to do"

"Okay," Trowa said. "You sure you're all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine,"

"Well, if you ever need to talk…"

"Don't worry, just go on with your life. Trowa"

"Okay," he said, slightly taken aback by my strange comment.

"Bye!" I said in a mock-cheerful voice. I got up and walked to the door.

"Bye" Trowa and Quatre said together. _I'm gonna miss them. _I walked out the door and down the street again, towards home_. Relena…you will be faithful, devoted and loving to Heero. I swear. I'll make sure of it. Somehow…_


	5. Chapter 5

I arrived back home at sunset. Quietly I opened the door, hoping Heero wasn't still awake. He wasn't. He sat on his bed, typing at his computer. Just like he had been when I left.

"Hey Heero" I said, sitting down on my bed. No response. Not even a slight movement or recognition of my existence. _I'm sorry. _I took off my shoes and placed them on the rug next to the door. I walked to the bathroom and started to unbraid my hair. I brushed it out and went back over by Heero. I grabbed some pajamas from under my bed. They were black silky pajamas with little white sheep on them. Wufei gave them to me about a week ago, as he would never wear them. He was mumbling something about dishonor and baka onnas. I think they were a gift from one of the girls. I walked back over to the bathroom, then turned towards Heero.

"I'll be in the shower" I said, slightly hurt that he hadn't said anything to me since I got back from Trowa and Quatre's. _Why won't he tell me what's up? I just want him to be happy. But I only make him hurt. Please talk to me! Say something, anything! Please!? Don't ignore me. I know I screwed stuff up for you but I just want to make it all better. I want to talk to you again. I miss your occasional conversation. I'm sorry…I can't say it enough I know, But I am really truly sorry. _I waited for a few seconds, expecting some sort of acknowledgement of my being there, at least, from Heero. He didn't move. I sighed softly and headed for the shower.

After my shower, I sat on the bed rebreeding my dripping, wet hair. As I braided I began to think. _Really Heero,_ _why won't you talk to me? What good is it doing, you ignoring me? Was it really all that bad what I did? I just let you know my feelings. That's all. Stop it Duo! You can't rationalize this. It's making Heero upset and you need to fix it. He deserves to be happy. But was it really so bad as to make him not want to talk to me at all? Oh, damn it, I don't know! Well, I need to talk to Relena. We have some things to sort out. Yes…many things. I don't know when she said she'd be available though. Lunch, maybe? I'll have to call her. This should go well, I thik. Things might actually work out._

"Goodnight Heero." I said, my words once again followed by silence. I curled up into my covers and drifted off to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

"Please, no" I pleaded. "Take me! Just don't hurt him, please!" Heero sat tied to a chair in an otherwise empty room. In the room with Heero was a tall beautiful blonde woman with a blood red silk dress and red painted fingernails. She was around 20 or22 in age. I was separated from the room by a large sheet of glass. I was only able to watch as she tortured him, unable to get through the glass wall. Slowly, she cut into Heero's chest with a sword.I screamed again. "Stop! Don't do this! You sick sick person" Tears were streaming down my face. She cut deeper and deeper until she got to his heart. She stopped for a second, and then twisted the sword deeper. Heero yelled in pain. "Heero!!!" I screamed, though by now I knew he couldn't hear me through the glass. I pounded on the glass. _I need to get in. I need to get to Heero. I need to save him. It's my fault he's even there. Why though? Why is it my fault? I don't even know, but I know that it is. _I clawed and pounded at the wall, but it didn't matter. The wall remained perfectly unblemished. The woman looked at me, desperately trying to get in, and she smiled. She ripped the sword out of Heero's chest, his heart still beating on the end of her sword. I felt sick. _How could this happen? It can't. No, not to Heero. This is all wrong. He isn't supposed to die. Not yet, Not now. I swore that I would go before him. He deserves to live far more than I do. _I watched her untie him, and Heero slumped to the ground, lifeless. "HEERO!!!!"

I sat up in my bed, panting._ Oh, it was just a nightmare. Just a nightmare. Heero's okay, not dead. None of that was real. That was awful. I wonder what it all meant. _My pillow was soaked with sweat and tears. Slowly, I got up, the unsettled feeling still in my stomach. _I hope I didn't wake him up just now. _I glanced at his bed. But to my surprise, he wasn't there. _Odd. He doesn't usually go anywhere so early in the morning. Oh wait, what time is it?_ I checked the clock. _11:30!? How did I sleep so late?! _Hurriedly, I got dressed. I chomped down a pop-tart and glass of milk. I wanted to catch Relen before it got too late in the day. Maybe we can talk over lunch. I searched through Heero's drawers and found her number. Hastily, I dialed.

"Hey, Relena?"

__


End file.
